I don't know what you want to do with your life. Options never seem hard to come by these days, but the problem is never really what we'd like to do. The problem is most often the lack of opportunities presenting themselves, especially to the fantasists that love to think outside the box. Just like in 1984's sci-fi fantasy The Last Starfighter dictates, you really have to keep your ambitions alive while having an open mind...
What I miss about '80s movies, like this one, isn't just reckless and inconsequential daydreaming made purely to appease the inner child of audiences everywhere, it's how audiences receive such entertainment. Blame the Internet or blame multi-billion dollar conglomerate media corporations that spoil the shit out us from an early age, making movies that will go on to sell tonnes of merchandise and turn a simple idea into a big fat cash cow. Having thought about that for years, I tend to view most movies with a childlike innocence, knowing when to shove my media knowledge to one side.
Saying that, fuck you, Michael Bay, I will never pay you to piss on my childhood and insult my intelligence. I am onto your shit!
The Last Starfighter is one of those movies that no doubt hoped to score big, back in the day. Hailing from a time when arcade gaming machines were the craze. Written by Nick Castle, who is responsible for having written Escape from New York, you'd think that would give you an inkling as to where this might be headed. Well let's just jump ahead of ourselves and point out that he also brought us that Macauley Culkin mess that was Dennis the Menace. FUCK YOU TOO, CULKIN!!!
|Macauley Culkin??? Hank, anal probe that cocky little fucker!|
Alex Rogen (Lange Guest of Halloween 2 and Jaws: The Revenge) is a teenager living in a boring rural town where the only thing to do is play arcade games and drive around. He has big things to do with his life, he just doesn't know what, and he also seems to think that college is a waste of time (since he gets turned down for a college loan). Probably for the best as college doesn't teach you how to be less douchy, aimless and antisocial, eh Alex?
|The secret to winning any 80s arcade game was all in the pose.|
|Just... so... CUTE!!!|
So, with nothing else to do with his life, he tries his hand at this saving the aliens gig, especially since their enemy, led by their very own leader's twatbasket son, is planning on destroying Earth too. Enter Grig, a funny old Starfighter that looks like he has a melty Easter egg for a face, played by none other than Robocop's old man Dan O'Herlihy ("nice shooting son, what's your name?").
No worries for Alex's girlfriend either, since she's the movie's eye candy and can't be left out of the picture as soon as Alex goes on his merry space travels. Centauri has left a robot clone of Alex behind to take his place, but things don't go to plan. Aliens want Alex dead so he can't defeat their mighty armada later on, aaaand let's just say things get awkward but seriously funny...
|"OH HAI, I WAS JUST GIVING MYSELF HEAD..."|
|"OH YES, ROBOT ALEX, YES, YES, YES!!!"|