Im seriously over my limit in terms of personal issues....see what i did there :P

The first #Nerdgenious! of the day is a personal blog, why? well because this blog is first and foremost a blog of my own thoughts and my inner most ambitions....

So here we are,

When writing #Nerdgenious! i tend to stay away from my own personal opinions on matters of the heart, quiet frankly i wear my heart on my sleeve and i have been battling with depression for quiet sometime reason being is because of broken ties, broken promises and quiet frankly issues with trust.

But it's the very same issue with trust that has brought me to this point in my life, from ex girlfriends to a broken marriage all have been built on foundations of broken trust, and it directs to the very first instance of this, with an ex girlfriend which will be refereed to in this blog as K (I don't want any lawsuits ), the foundation of my relationship with K came about as she decided to cheat on a rather decent fella (her boyfriend who will be known as A), he had done nothing to me, and I did nothing to him, I didn't know him personally just knew of him and one night we both decided to just cheat, I aided her under the incentive of a relationship but the terms of how it came together still remained the same, a flower cannot blossom aided by dead soil and a relationship cannot be built on lack of trust.

Fast forward to the future of our relationship and six months later i was the idiot that she cheated on as she forge a relationship with another man, I was left devastated, but knew deep down that i could not trust her, years later I became abit of a ladies man, I went to clubs and dated the loveliest of ladies but still wasn't happy deep down, but then i met someone, a former stripper unbeknownst to me had taken up a steady job and sought my affections, as i did hers, but she (known as D) didn't tell me that she was already seeing someone and left me heartbroken after admitting that i was just a fling, she left for Birmingham and i never saw her again, I was left depressed but soon moved on from the broken affair.

The third instance came when i was working for a local hospital as its medical records officer, I started a relationship with an administrator who literally left me talking with her all night, every night, our relationship blossomed and was moving on to the next level before it was cut short due to her inability to commit to me, what i did not know however is that she was plotting and scheming to get me fired, fired from my position by stating that i was sexually harassing her, i found this out after she confessed after telling me that she still had feelings for me, I quit my job then after and moved to another position within a different company as i felt i could not longer trust her as my colleague, friend or even girlfriend, I was literally heart broken, this event however had a dramatic impact on my life as I soon after became sick and was treated for bells pausey, the treatment inturn led to seizures which could have been fatal.

Since this incident i decided to clean up my lifestyle and stop drinking, smoking and abusing my body, i became more health conscious and drifted away from those that were enabling me.

Fast forward to 2010 the breakup of my marriage, I was left disillusioned as my then wife threw me out and left me with nothing, she accused me of cheating, something that i had never done, she didn't believe me and wanted me out of her life, she inturn took out a court document stating that i profusely beat her I was unable to see my children, I was 85% done with my degree in Drama and Theatre and needed to make a decision, let this get to me or overcome this, she betrayed me by throwing this court document at me, by lying, mistrusting and literally destroying me, we have since become amicable for our children's sake and have talked about rebuilding our shattered relationship, the problem is that our relationship may never be repaired because of the mistrust and anger that was produced from both sides, I don't believe i can ever go back to that place, I don't feel that i can ever go back to someone whose trust in me is broken as is my trust in her.

Now what is the meaning of this story?, well the issue of trust is predominant in regards to society  and the relationships formed, friends, co-workers, parents, brothers, sisters, love,without trust what is left of the relationship, can we rebuild it? or should we just allow it to dissipate?, let me know your thoughts and comments below as i leave that upto you, the reader...

Will be back with more #Nerdgenious!..


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